TO : HR DIRECTOR
FM : CHIEF CREATIVE OFFICER
I am writing this note to you because I am confused.
I joined this industry because I wanted to be like Piyush.
I heard how he knew Amitabh Bachchan, Kapil Dev and the Ambanis.
I heard how he was in nearly every magazine that talked about Indian advertising.
I heard how in some restaurants people asked him for photographs.
I heard how in Cannes he got the fancy hotels to serve him Indian food.
I heard he started being nothing more than a tea taster.
So I thought the best way to get there is to be like him.
Firstly I spent a lot of time growing this moustache. You have to agree that mine is thicker and better looked after than his.
Then I started chewing Pan Paraag. I hate the damn stuff, but if it was good for him, it was good for me.
I always used to smoke so that was not a problem. Smoking in my room I started only coz I heard that he did too.
I found a tailor who stitched those colourful bush shirts that Piyush always wears.
I saw at a party that Piyush likes whisky. So I started doing the same. In fact I am sure I drink more often and lots more than he does.
Someone told me that he is very rude to the account people and brooks no fools. You should see me in the office. In fact I am sure many people have complained about me to you, in their exit interviews, so you know that I am better than Piyush in that area.
You know that I made the company pay for me to learn Hindi to speak in that language in the office.
And this year at Cannes he won just 1 gold. Here I am with 7 golds, 6 silvers and 2 bronzes. All for one campaign for ‘The Female Autistic Child Between 12 and 15 Foundation’.
So you can see why I am confused. I have done everything he does and, I would argue, much more.
But when I say I am the next Piyush, people laugh or openly snigger.
What am I doing wrong? Is it the lack of jootis?
As Kramer has in 'Seinfeld', Pseudo Kramer has a unique perspective on the goings-on in the world, this time of advertising and marketing.