It gives me great pleasure in announcing the arrival of William Augustine Nelson Kirkpatrick (Wank for short) in our newly created position of Group Chief Creative Emperor.
WANK is a very widely celebrated creative director in the industry.
In his extremely short presence in this business he is the proud winner of
Amongst several other regional awards.
The interesting aspect is that these awards have been won for a wide range of clients from the Presbyterian church, to the Baptist one, the association for cruelty to animals, the home for drug addicts, round weight loss clinic and even a few wakf boards. As you can see WANK has a set of skills applicable to a wide variety of industries, that we dearly need.
His mandate is very clear, to lift the creative profile of our agency. As you know last year we scored 202 points in the global awards tally, which while a huge jump from the previous year is not enough for our ambitious masters. To enable us to leap frog into the 300s we have decided to not burden WANK with work on any clients. We’d like him to single mindedly focus on getting those additional points we need. Anyone taking him for client meetings will be answerable to me.
Consequent to WANK’s arrival we will be restructuring our creative department a little.
Peter who was the Group Chief Creative Director for our businesses won in the 2000s will move to our newly created division..Shunting Paths, till we know what to do next.
Kate will be promoted to Executive Creative Director to take responsibility for the Small Businesses Division where we believe we have the best opportunity to do some very noticeable work. Kate will also physically move to sit beside me and WANK to show our agency’s firm commitment to our clients and our creative product.
Alex will be promoted to Senior Art Director with immediate effect and take over leadership of our big global accounts. Alex will be supported by Mervyn, Chris, Michelle and Jennifer who will be joining us next Monday.
I’d also like to announce the departure of Gary, who joined us last year to head up our creative department. Gary’s contributions to the agency are tremendous and we wish him the very best in his new role as he sets up his own agency.
As Kramer has in 'Seinfeld', Pseudo Kramer has a unique perspective on the goings-on in the world, this time of advertising and marketing.